History is an account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.
Politics, noun. A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.
Vote: the instrument and symbol of a freeman’s power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.
War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.
Success is the one unpardonable sin against one's fellows.
Life. A spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay.
Politics, n. Strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles.
Marriage: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.
